Thinking of himself as a child, JT describes himself as charismatic, family oriented, and hard-working. He remembers the love in moments like squirrel hunting with his father, or being surrounded by cousins at family gatherings. Supporting his family was his top priority. One memory that sticks out to him is driving his favorite cousin up to the NICU to visit her baby who had been born prematurely, when no one else would.
Even though JT felt loved, he still recognizes he grew up in a dysfunctional household. His parents struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, and ended up splitting up. He dealt with abandonment issues, from a present parent. A parent who was physically, but not mentally there, so consumed with their own problems, they didn’t hear or see him. Those who were meant to protect him, weren’t always able, leaving him and his sister to face physical and emotional abuse.
Outside of the home, it wasn’t always much better. He reflects on the ever present racism while growing up in Southern Maryland, like being chased down and beaten by police for the first time at 8 years old, after he and his cousins had broken into another cousin's house to eat snacks. He remembers his ADHD and dyslexia being a sore subject when in school, getting teased by other students, and misunderstood by teachers.
When he thinks of his goals when growing up, he didn’t ever think of his future. Looking around him, he didn’t have an example of a future he wanted to emulate. He just knew he wanted to be alive.
At 19 years old, JT was sentenced to life without parole plus 30 years. He was lost, overcome by hopelessness, resentment and shame. He grappled with how to serve a sentence that never begins being counted, because it never ends, and lasts even after he dies.
17 years later, JT finds his journey has given him courage and wisdom in ways that he never thought possible, and a drive to want to survive. He has had to learn to let things go. Including relationships that once were important to him, that had become cancerous. And to water the relationships he wanted to develop, like building a relationship with his younger brother, who was only 8 when JT was locked up, and now has two kids of his own. Even falling in love with his now fiancée, which is something he had prayed for, but not expected, while serving a life sentence.
Having access to therapy while behind bars has allowed him to focus on the root of his problems and what makes him react in certain ways, helping him discover his triggers. While he’s completed various programs in the past, (like the Youth Challenge his GED etc) he’s focusing on new endeavors that put him on a path to freedom, like completing college courses.
When he dreams of coming home, JT envisions being able to step outside on his porch in the middle of the night, just because he can. Behind the prison walls, he will go months or even years without stepping foot outside. And then, he wants a chance to live life as an adult. To support his father who is now disabled, who has aged without JT being able to see him for years. And to start his own family, a dream he still holds on to.
Even though JT felt loved, he still recognizes he grew up in a dysfunctional household. His parents struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, and ended up splitting up. He dealt with abandonment issues, from a present parent. A parent who was physically, but not mentally there, so consumed with their own problems, they didn’t hear or see him. Those who were meant to protect him, weren’t always able, leaving him and his sister to face physical and emotional abuse.
Outside of the home, it wasn’t always much better. He reflects on the ever present racism while growing up in Southern Maryland, like being chased down and beaten by police for the first time at 8 years old, after he and his cousins had broken into another cousin's house to eat snacks. He remembers his ADHD and dyslexia being a sore subject when in school, getting teased by other students, and misunderstood by teachers.
When he thinks of his goals when growing up, he didn’t ever think of his future. Looking around him, he didn’t have an example of a future he wanted to emulate. He just knew he wanted to be alive.
At 19 years old, JT was sentenced to life without parole plus 30 years. He was lost, overcome by hopelessness, resentment and shame. He grappled with how to serve a sentence that never begins being counted, because it never ends, and lasts even after he dies.
17 years later, JT finds his journey has given him courage and wisdom in ways that he never thought possible, and a drive to want to survive. He has had to learn to let things go. Including relationships that once were important to him, that had become cancerous. And to water the relationships he wanted to develop, like building a relationship with his younger brother, who was only 8 when JT was locked up, and now has two kids of his own. Even falling in love with his now fiancée, which is something he had prayed for, but not expected, while serving a life sentence.
Having access to therapy while behind bars has allowed him to focus on the root of his problems and what makes him react in certain ways, helping him discover his triggers. While he’s completed various programs in the past, (like the Youth Challenge his GED etc) he’s focusing on new endeavors that put him on a path to freedom, like completing college courses.
When he dreams of coming home, JT envisions being able to step outside on his porch in the middle of the night, just because he can. Behind the prison walls, he will go months or even years without stepping foot outside. And then, he wants a chance to live life as an adult. To support his father who is now disabled, who has aged without JT being able to see him for years. And to start his own family, a dream he still holds on to.